Recovering Bookaholic

I have 107 books in my TBR. And that's only counting the ones I can actually see. The rest of them are hidden away in two drawers. So if I include those, I probably have something closer to 150.

I'm well aware that there are people out there who probably have twice or thrice the number of books on their TBR. Some of them are my friends.:) However, I wanted to clarify that, personally, this is an extreme high for me. Let me explain...

I've always been a bibliophile. My mother read to me as a child, and I remember reading on my own by the time I was three. I had two books--Little Red Riding Hood and Cinderella. My favorite was Little Red Riding Hood. My mom read it to me so often that I memorized the first page. Then, when I could finally read it on my own, I realized I didn't have to memorize the rest of the pages so that the story could always stay with me. I could read the words! I remember the joy I felt when I flipped to the second page, got through it with my brother's help, then went to the third page--got through that, too, and so on. I remember the moment when I realized I could read on my own and how delighted I was because I felt powerful.

Ok, this isn't really the bookaholism part--just the part that explains how I learned to love reading, which turned me into a bookaholic. So anyway, two books. That's all I owned at the beginning. Then, I pressed my parents to buy me more. Of course, children's books being what they are, I usually finished them the half-hour after they were bought. But I loved re-reading my favorites. In fact, when I was younger, I re-read a lot.

As I got older, I read what I could from my brother's books and my grandfather's collection, which was why I've read more Hardy Boys than Nancy Drew. But, the bugging my parents for more books continued. However, by that time, I learned to be careful when to ask a book from them. (Strangely, my own mother disapproved of my obssession with books as gifts. She preferred that I ask for clothes or shoes. Which is why I've never been into clothes nor shoes.)

Real freedom came when I got a more substantial allowance as a teenager. I used to save up so much money so I could buy books. One book a week at least, sometimes two. Which I gobbled up right away. So, I never owned a book that stayed in my TBR for long. In fact, back then, I didn't even have a TBR. If I acquired a book, either through buying or borrowing, it meant that I was going to read it right then. And I didn't acquire one 'til I was sure that I had nothing else on my plate. This was the habit I had until a couple of years ago.

Enter the Internet, Shelfari, book clubs, and book blogs. I love 'em all. Since reading is a pretty solitary habit, all the more solitary if you have no one to talk to about books you like, I'm sure all the bibliophiles and bookaholics out there can understand what it means to finally find a person or a group of people with whom you can talk to about books. But, I'm equally sure everyone who's immersed in book clubs, book blogging, or just plain surfing for books on the net will also understand the necessary consequence of all this: more book suggestions.

And so, a mere two years ago, I had a passable 10 books in my TBR, most of which I had almost given up reading (e.g. A Suitable Boy, A Tale of Two Cities--I really tried to get through this. Thrice. I just couldn't do it.) Now, I have 150 or so. It doesn't really seem a lot, right? But I began this year with 77 books in my TBR, and my New Year's Resolution was to cut down the TBR to 20 or so by reading what I already had. Funny thing is, I did. Currently, I've read around 45 of the books I own. So, according to the math, I actually bought around 118 books between January 1 and today. Thankfully, most of them were on sale, or I would've driven my family into bankruptcy.

Why am I so obssessed over my book buying? Because this is just not me. My friends who love acquiring books--I love them and their obssession. They squeal delightedly over a new book, and who wouldn't? I squeal sometimes, too. Though not very loud, 'cause that would be embarrassing in a public shop. Maybe just a loud gasp. I love book buying, and always have. What bothers me is the coming home and realizing I have way too many books than I can read in one year, and if it keeps up, I'll just be buying books for the mere fact of owning them, and not reading them.

See, that is not me. I'm a bookaholic because I love to read, always have. I need to have a book with me wherever I go. I never really noticed the physicality of the book, 'til I took a History of the Book class last year. (Which I also loved, by the way.) Hence, as a book owner, I've never really cared whether the cover sucked, or if the pages were yellow, or if there was a tear, or if some guy/girl wrote something along the margins. I just cared about the words and whether I could have them or not. About the only physical thing that I really care for is that I need to hold a book (thus, I haven't developed the taste for audiobooks or e-readers yet).

And so, it doesn't make sense for me to have so many books when I know I can't have the words yet, because I can't read them yet. And, I gotta admit, the thing that's bothering me with my book hoarding is probably because the idea of restraint has been too engraved in me. When all is said and done, I don't need them all. I just like having them all.

Does this sound strange for someone who claims she loves books? I really don't think so. Perhaps it's because from early on, I've been influenced by Mortimer Adler's classification of book owners.

There are three kinds of book owners. The first has all the standard sets and best sellers--unread, untouched. (This deluded individual owns woodpulp and ink, not books.) The second has a great many books--a few of them read through, most of them dipped into, but all of them as clean and shiny as the day they were bought. (This person would probably like to make books his own, but is restrained by a false respect for their physical appearance.) The third has a few books or many--every one of them dogeared and dilapidated, shaken and loosened by continual use, marked and scribbled from front to back. (This man owns books.)

I've never wanted to own books for the sake of owning them. I want to own them because I've read them. This is also the reason why giving my books away, even if they are old and tattered copies, is difficult for me. See, if I read the words from that particular book, then I feel that I have entered into a relationship with that particular book. He is mine, and I am his. So I can't give him away. (Yes, all my books are male.=>)

What I'm saying is, I no longer want to own more books than I can realistically read. I realize that this goes against the grain of a lot of people in the book blogging community or bookaholics in general. I apologize, but this is merely a personal conviction. And I want to keep this conviction, even and especially in the face of the Publisher Association's new campaign--Bookaholism.

I keep thinking about Leisel from The Book Thief. She only had three books. But she made those three books count. And I wonder how many of my books count these days. I have so many. But they don't mean half as much to me as Leisel's books did to her. Perhaps only a handful of them.

So that I can actualize my intention of REALLY cutting down my TBR (and hopefully not acquire more books than I can read within my lifetime), I've decided to join J. Kaye's My Personal Bookshelf Reading Challenge. I'll be listing my books on queue in another post. But I wanted to put a sort of manifesto here.

Just wondering, am I alone on this or are there others who feel the same way? Or maybe a better question would be, what kind of bookaholism do you have, and are you comfortable with it? 'Cause I'd be interested to find out.

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