Being a good reader and a bad feminist

From my Goodreads' Challenge page. The last five books I've read, to date, 16 Mar 2015.

I powered through a three-book erotic romance series last Saturday. It was the Cityscape series by Jessica Hawkins, which I found by Googling for edgy romance novels (don't ask). But, boy when you ask for edgy, they give you edgy. So I chose this series which seemed the right kind of edgy for me at the time (true love via an extramarital affair; not really an unfamiliar theme in more serious literature).

I liked the series. Sure, there was a lot of back-and-forth from the female lead; an alpha male who is perfect, as they usually are; and loads of sex which was hot but, if translated to reality, would be exhausting. Nevertheless, I got sucked up by it. (NOTE: One does not power through three books in less than 18 hours if you're not sucked up by them.)

I'd like to point out, though, that I feel these covers are a bit misleading. I mean, you'd think that this was BDSM and that there's just too much sex, but honestly, there's only one extended love scene in the first book, and three moderately long scenes in the second book. The third one is another story, so have at it. More to the point, though, the books have more to do with dealing with emotions and repercussions when one falls in love with someone who is not one's husband. I'm not sure how a close-up of a woman gasping communicated that, but given that this series has been compared favorably to Fifty Shades of Grey by its fans (which I take issue with because I could not get past page 4 or 5 of FSOG, but I actually liked this series), I think we can all understand why the covers are designed that way.

But this post isn't really about the Cityscape series. It's actually about what happened when I added all three on Goodreads and noticed, once they were all added, that they were beside Roxane Gay's Bad Feminist, which I finished last Thursday. (Ignore Winter People. It's an ok story, but nothing to write home about.)

Depending on your understanding of Bad Feminist, you might think that the erotica books after it are highly appropriate or very ironic. Having read (or heard, because I got the audiobook edition) Bad Feminist, I'd lean towards appropriate, with a bit of qualification.

I never identified with feminism, as my familiarity with that term was the militant kind thrown around by progressive organizations in my university alma mater. I did join a sort-of militant org in my first semester in college, but that was it. I don't even recall talking about feminist issues.

But I believe in women, in the struggles they fight, in their strengths and silent tears. I believe in women who survive, who persevere, despite the favor given to men.

I think Roxane Gay's bad feminist manifesto helped me clarify things and unshackled "feminism" for me, such that I feel I can begin to own it, because there is no other word that will summarize the previous paragraph for me.

Here is where Roxane Gay really made sense to me:

I disavowed feminism because I had no rational understanding of the movement. I was called a feminist, and what I heard was, “You are an angry, sex-hating, man-hating victim lady person.” This caricature is how feminists have been warped by the people who fear feminism most, the same people who have the most to lose when feminism succeeds. Anytime I remember how I once disavowed feminism, I am ashamed of my ignorance. I am ashamed of my fear because mostly the disavowal was grounded in the fear that I would be ostracized, that I would be seen as a troublemaker, that I would never be accepted by the mainstream.

And here:

Maybe I'm a bad feminist, but I am deeply committed to the issues important to the feminist movement. I have strong opinions about misogyny, institutional sexism that consistently places women at a disadvantage, the inequity in pay, the cult of beauty and thinness, the repeated attacks on reproductive freedom, violence against women, and on and on. I am as committed to fighting fiercely for equality as I am committed to disrupting the notion that there is an essential feminism.

And this was where I felt liberated to embrace the term:

I embrace the label of bad feminist because I am human. I am messy. I’m not trying to be an example. I am not trying to be perfect. I am not trying to say I have all the answers. I am not trying to say I’m right. I am just trying — trying to support what I believe in, trying to do some good in this world, trying to make some noise with my writing while also being myself: a woman who loves pink and likes to get freaky and sometimes dances her ass off to music she knows, sheknows, is terrible for women and who sometimes plays dumb with repairmen because it’s just easier to let them feel macho than it is to stand on the moral high ground.

Which is why I lean towards the appropriateness or, perhaps to use a better word, exemplification of bad feminism in reading the Cityscape series after consuming Bad Feminist.

Don't get me wrong. I didn't choose that series to consciously exercise my newfound status as part of Roxane Gay's tribe. I chose it because, occasionally, I want a break from the literary fiction, nonfiction, and genre fiction that I read a lot of. I want to read books that are shallow, formulaic, and superficially satisfying. I mean, I love a good quinoa salad, but I also love Doritos Smoked Barbecue flavor. Sue me.

And I suppose that's why Gay saying that she is messy and human spoke to me, because yes, I believe in and will speak out about issues surrounding women today, but, dear God, I am not a robot. I subscribe to the stereotype that women eat ice cream when sad or depressed. I gladly recommend it to fellow women.

Neither am I using Gay's manifesto to justify my reading erotic romance or trashy books. I don't think I need to justify reading trashy books, or any book, for that matter. I know my rights as a reader (see Pennac's wonderful Reader's Bill of Rights below, particularly #5.)

Anyway, I would recommend both of them, actually: Gay's Bad Feminist and Hawkins's Cityscape Series (but don't read this if extramarital affairs are a trigger for you). They provide different kinds of enjoyment for a woman.

On another note: I'm 19 books in for the year! Yay! And I'm doing more audiobooks now (thanks to Scribd) because my eyes hurt when I read for extended periods! Not yay.

I hope y'all are having a good reading year so far. If not, see Pennac's Reader's Bill of Rights again, and know that it's all right.