|Happy 6 years, Coffeespoons! For better or for worse.:)|
I missed my 6th blogiversary (yes, that's still a word). Yup, I am a lame blogger, not worthy of the name. Or so I keep saying.
But you know what? Who the hell cares? My heyday of blogging was 2009-2010. I posted often, read and commented on other blogs every day, joined bloggers' events, pushed for some local face-to-face blogger events of our own. The years after that, I've had to deal with realities such as: if you're very, very busy with work, family, and advocacies, then yes, that's going to eat into your blogging time.
So now, when I think I might have more to write about beyond book reviews, I find I'm just a casual blogger. Now, if I write, I write as an exercise. I write because it pleases me and if there is no audience, that is exactly what I had in mind when I started the blog. I'm not going to beat myself up over not having as much free time as I used to back in 2009. But I do admit to a little sadness that I can't write often of stuff that I really care about.
Sometimes, I don't mind the compromise, the changing of oneself to fit one's changing circumstances or one's goals. Other times, I do. Especially when I don't realize that I did compromise.
Case in point: yesterday, a couple of friends told me that they figured I must be really busy with my new job since I hadn't been posting on Facebook as much anymore. Let's forget a bit about all that discussion that social media is a performance and Facebook is just a lot of posturing. I think that's all true.
But Facebook and other social media, to me, is also a way to share your joy of someone or something. A book, a piece of news, knowledge you've picked up and want to tell others about. I like something or am fascinated by it, so I want to tell the world. Or my friends, at least.
The fact that I have't been posting much on Facebook is, yes, a sign that work takes up much of my time. But then again, I've always been busy. The past few years, I've always not had a lot of time. In spite of that, I've often found time to post a thought or question or share a link. If I do not do it as often now, does it mean that I discover or become interested in fewer things?
Well, maybe not that latter bit. I am always interested in many things. But I don't see or read them as much now, and hence, I don't have things to share. I don't get to join the conversations I'm really into because I'm caught up in other conversations that comprise how I make my living. So yes, I find less stuff that interests or stimulates me. I find this situation mildly ironic because I took a new job to help with transformation. I didn't realize it was going to start transforming me in this manner.
So, I will rail against this transformation of mine, because I don't want it. I want to do well at what I do for a living and still keep the tools I have for self-stimulation (yes, it sounds dirty, I know, but try not to take it that way). I will work to keep my joy, even if it kills me.
And maybe when I keep my joy better, I'll remember things like my blogiversary.
Belated happy birthday, dear old blog. It's been six years, and thank you for always being there for me even if I haven't always been there for you.